The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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