may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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