Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
