There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
