OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
