Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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