i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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