oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
