About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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