Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
