i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize