you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
