WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
