dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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