Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
worst night to have a conscience
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
