No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
