: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
