Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
