My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
