He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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