this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
