I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
babies were throwing up all over the place
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
