I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
