I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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