Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
if only i could text you this smell
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
