My entire life is one complicated drinking game
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize