Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
