She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
