I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
