do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
