i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
