I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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