So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
