So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
