Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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