i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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