don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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