i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
