In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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