Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
