btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the day after is always just damage control
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I enjoy the company of your penis
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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