When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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