Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
