Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's like iHOP with fire
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
