I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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