Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize