So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
