They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We left an ass print on the piano.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
