We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
