i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Randomize
