Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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