you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
