Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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