im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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