I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
