I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I puked a lego.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
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