Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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