She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
