she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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