Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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