I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
