the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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