I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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