I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
