Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
