And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
should my penis look like a turkey
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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