Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
