But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
