I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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