This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
